I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
