just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
