Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
