'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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