How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
