i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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