This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
