someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
