My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
