That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
