My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
