im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
