Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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