the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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