I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
