I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
