She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
