she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
