I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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