Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
