Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
