just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
