hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
