I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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