So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
