mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
