absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
