Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why do cheetos always look like penises
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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