tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
