The maid of honor just puked.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
A+ Viking dick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
