i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
