For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had to cum in my sink.
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