i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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