Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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