Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
