You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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