1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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