Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
