I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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