i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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