she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
