I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You can't just leave with hair like that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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