my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
