I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
