so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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