Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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