I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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