anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
