dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
