I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
