i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
