hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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